Blogging, Family, And Censorship
Today I found out my father reads my other blog. The one about my health. About my life. About everything I am that I don’t want him to know. I don’t talk to my father in real life, yet he is able to keep up with me because I have a public blog. In many ways this bothered me.
(And for all I know he could read this blog too. It’s pretty easy to track my blogs across the internet. It’s all too easy to learn way to much about me… which may or may not be the problem.)
But the thought of him reading my blog made me upset. Despite my blog’s public nature, it bothers me that he is able to read it. I get almost 40 thousand pageviews a month, yet having one person read my blog feels like an invasion of privacy. Because it’s someone I don’t want to be reading.
I briefly, very briefly, considered stopping my blog. But that wouldn’t be fair to the thousand other people that read my blog. It wouldn’t be fair to me. Stopping it isn’t an option. I know that my journey and the way that I share it has meaning and inspires other people. I’ve found a community online and I’m not going to easily let go.
However, I feel like I’m now censored. Of course I don’t have to censor my blogging, and if I’m honest I probably won’t. But I can’t help but feel the need to stop writing about my personal life. That fact inherently censors and changes my blogging style since I blog about my life. I don’t use bullet points to teach lessons, I don’t make lists, I don’t do link bait. I just blog naturally and authentically. It feels like that has been ruined somewhat because now I will have to think about what I’m sharing. I will have to consider whether or not it’s something I want this person to read. I hate that feeling already.
(Yes, I know most bloggers do things a little differently when trying to get readers aka the be-useful-technique. So what? We are all unique. Me a little bit more so. I’ll make my own path, thank you.)
I’m not sure there is any point to this post (see above – I’m not a useful blogger) other than to ponder the fact that I am now thinking through the issues of self censorship because of family reading the blog. This never felt like an issue before even though other friends and family are aware of my blog’s existence.
Do any of you censor what you say online because your family reads your blog?
Perhaps you have to become more existential about your writing, Mary. See it as a catharsis, something you create and release. It can go on to have a life of its own. Your life is yours, your viewpoint is yours. Yet part of what makes your blogs valued by others is that you articulate feelings your readers have felt as well. That resonance is good. Wrestle with this new information for a time. The experience will stretch you, and lead you, eventually, down the proper path.
Oh Mary… I need to message you cuz I have a lot to say on this too! Just recently I had yet ANOTHER piece of drama because of something someone in my family says they saw in my blog or on my facebook… which I don’t recall at all, but it’s upset my mom so much that I need to address it somehow this weekend and clear things up. But anyway… I’ll tell you about it all later. I know how it is and what you’re going through… but I do hope you won’t censor yourself. I pretty much have zero censorship, haha… but stay true to yourself, no matter who is reading. I hope that that’s the road you’ll take, instead of what I did last year, when someone else I didn’t want to see my blog and was unhappy with it found it… I deleted it. And I regret that, so I hope you’ll stay true to your blog and your readers, but most of all yourself. :) Love you, Mary!
This is pretty much the reason why I haven’t stuck with any blog I’ve ever had. I also have a knack for wanting to write about personal things, and as soon as I find a comment from an in-law or a person that I think doesn’t like me, or something of that nature, I get queasy. It feels like eavesdropping or spying. That’s why I always end up deleting my blogs. I experimented with protected blogging on Blogger but then it just felt like a secret diary with a lock and key and it didn’t feel as beneficial. Plus, I felt like I was just writing an email to select friends, rather than actually working hard to make a creative blog. I think the last time I wrote freely on the internet was in the days of xanga – that was before adults started getting internet-savvy and xanga was a mostly safe place. :) I do agree with the above comment, though – it’s easier to just delete it all and not think about it. But you’re on a journey that is so much bigger than your dad. You’re a writer; unfortunately, that vocation involves a little more of your personal life than most any other occupation.
Mary that sounds awful, but please don’t stop blogging! I went through that a bit too because some members of my extended family read my blog, where everything I talk about is pretty personal – and somehow that is a million times scarier than having all those strangers read it every day. I talk about things like my body, and sex, and (eeep) my girlfriend ( and a lot of those family members aren’t *so* pleased about the gay thing). I guess I have to say this: we have to be brave. You are a writer, this is how you make your living, you are very good at it, and you cannot stop all of the good work because of just one person.xoxoxox.
Yes, I definitely censor because of my family. I would say my twitter is the least censored, because none of my family has twitter, but I still even censor that, just cuz of jobs n things like that. My mother is on facebook, but I didn’t friend her, so I privated up my account. Still, my sister, brother and cousins are my friends so they can still see and tattle if they want. My mother is very good at computers, so if she wanted to she could absolutely read my blog, but I don’t think she does. On the off chance though..and I know that at least my sister does on occasion. Besides “telling on me” I don’t want to be a bad influence to my siblings or younger cousin. And even things I can admit to ppl on blog comments like your blog or others, like having had an eating disorder yrs ago or I dunno I could say stupid stuff like I used to drink tons or had my car repossessed lol, I would NEVER say on my blog where my family could find it. I always want to look as perfect as possible to them. I think if I was an orphan, my blog would be a lot different. Probably more interesting lol.
I recently found out that my mom reads my health blog. She even read posts that were about her, and how her obesity and lack of effort has affected me over the years. It was a really upsetting things to find out, and I think it’s what has lead me to let the health blog gather some dust. I’m finally starting to get over it, because she told me in the end that reading my raw thoughts has lead her to understand me a little more, which is fantastic.
hope you’re doing well, merry mary!
xxx